There is a group of people who have been sorely misunderstood by society. They have been discriminated against relentlessly simply because of who they love. They love themselves, and so they have been given pejorative names like “narcissist”, and “bachelor.” They have been forbidden from marrying the partner of their choice, which would be themselves. They are unable to share details of their relationship with themselves to friends and co-workers for fear of being looked down upon as freaks. It is time that President Obama, and the rest of society supported their right to self-marriage. After all, marriage doesn’t have to be between one man and one woman. It can be between one man or one woman. It’s time we ditched derogatory terms and psychiatric diagnoses such as “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”, and allowed people to love themselves without shame.
Now I know what you’re thinking. America isn’t ready for this. Church’s that are behind the times forbid having a sexual relationship with one’s self, never mind entering into the bond of matrimony entirely alone. But let’s face it. Unigamist relationships are here to stay. Millions of unigamists are already living with themselves outside the boundaries of marriage, unable to access the benefits that married couples take for granted like a nice wedding cake and a ceremony and reception to celebrate one’s love for one’s self.
It won’t be easy for America to accept unigamy, but justice demands it. Family law will need to adapt to new situations. In the event that a unigamist marriage breaks up, and a divorce occurs, property will need to be divided equally. After a unigamist partner receives 50% of assets, they’ll need to figure out what to do with the other 50%. If there’s a shared custody arrangement, the courts will need to decide who gets the kids the rest of the time. I’m sure they’ll be able to sort it out. The important thing is that we recognize unigamist marriage and eliminate bigoted discrimination against those who love themselves above all others.